Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
