She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
