So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
