So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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