Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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