gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
