If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
