dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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