Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
