tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
