I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
