im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
