nut hugger
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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