I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
