Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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