me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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