Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
