Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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