I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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