the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
