Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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