My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
