good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
