im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
