I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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