You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
