Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
