That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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