Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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