i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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