I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
