well I can't set my house on fire every night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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