Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
