haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
