I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
