I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
