my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
