I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
