he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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