we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
