tell your sister to shave her snatch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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