i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
