Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a search helicopter?!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
