Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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