Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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