listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
