i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
