its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
