The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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