My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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