Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
