hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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