Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
