Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
