How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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