if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
