we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
