this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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