Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
