I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
