I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
