How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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