i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
