you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
