At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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