What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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