I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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