I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
