Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
