she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
