some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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