I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
