....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
