I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
