chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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