i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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