Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
