Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
