not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
