if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
