Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
